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Band 5

A 4 weeks' holidays can make employees do better at job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#weeks #holidays #employees #job
Nowadays, people think that
employees
 should get holidays no less than 4 weeks a year. As
work
 is intensive and people
are tend
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to feel stressed out after a long time
Change preposition
of work
show examples
work
Replace the word
working
show examples
 without break, holidays can make
staff
 refreshed and improve their efficiency. I agree with it
although
 it has some drawbacks. A 4-week
holiday
 can refresh
employees
’
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
 and relax them. Under little pressure, they can release their potential abilities and
work
 better. Some scientists suppose that If
brain
Correct article usage
the brain
show examples
 keeps running for a long time without a break, the working efficiency would decrease rapidly,
as a result
, a
holiday
 is necessary for
staff
 to perform better so that enterprises can improve productivity and increase profits.
Furthermore
, a
holiday
 gives
staff
 an opportunity to think deeply. And it is very likely that some creative and new ideas can be come up with by
staff
 during a
holiday
.
For example
,
an
Correct word choice
if an
show examples
 employee
go
Change the verb form
goes
show examples
 for a trip without being constrained by a small office, he or she can get inspiration from landscape or things happening during the trip. And
employees
 can learn a variety of knowledge that can not be found in books from a
holiday
. But I have to agree that escaping from
work
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 long does have some side
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
. Society is developing
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a quick speed and some area
such
 as IT changes on a daily basis. So if
employees
 leave
work
 for 4 weeks, it would become very hard for them to catch up with the trend and handling a thing
that is
 easy before would be much more difficult. What is worse, it would be tough for
employees
 to adapt to
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
 intensive
work
 after a relaxing
holiday
. So they may not perform
as well as
 before. A 4-week
holiday
 can improve
employees
’ efficiency and make them perform better,
although
 there is a risk where
staff
 can not adapt to intensive
work
 easily.
Submitted by upekhajayaweera86 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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