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Band 4

Children from 7-11now spend more time watching television and playing video games than before. What are the effects of this on children, families and society? What are the possible solutions to this problem?

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Nowadays,
children
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 adore watching TV and playing games, especially primary school pupils and they waste more time than in the past. It will affect their academic results, socialising with
parents
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 and communication with peers.
This
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 essay will discuss these problems and provide possible measures to address them. There are several issues that a lot
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parents
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of parents
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 have concerning their child's global development. First of all, many youngsters spend a lot of time watching and playing on media platforms, which will affect their academic appearance and their bonding with relatives.
For instance
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, some surveys said that scholars spent many hours on social media platforms. It would cause a huge number of scholars who
dropped
Wrong verb form
drop
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 their studies and
being
Verb problem
become
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 isolated persons.
This
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 trend has had to increase by
30percent
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30 per cent
 per year all around the world for decades.
This
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 results in many youngsters giving up their learning and not communicating with their
parents
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due to
Linking Words
 enjoying their virtual world.
Nevertheless
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, the issues are serious, there are some possible measures that can be taken.
To begin
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 with, some
researches
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researchers
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 told us that adults should take the right role
to control
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in controlling
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 their
children
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 using electronic equipment as it would affect their global development. So that the
parents
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 can set up a timetable for their
children
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 using computers and watching TV for entertainment.
In addition
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, adults should limit their sons or daughters using electronic equipment for many hours and should accompany them to go outside to explore the planet.
Therefore
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, many
children
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 may not be influencing their social skills and academic outcomes. In a nutshell, following the statements and
suggestion
Fix the agreement mistake
suggestions
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 above, younger ones use prolonged periods watching TV and playing video games than in the past.
However
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, if they have good guidance to use, they
would
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will
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 have a better life in the future.

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task response
Task Response: The essay provides an overview of the effects of excessive television and video game consumption on children, families, and society. It briefly discusses the problems and solutions, but lacks depth and specific examples. It would benefit from providing more detailed and specific responses to the task prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has some logical structure but lacks clear and cohesive organization. The introduction and conclusion are present but could be improved to provide a stronger framework for the essay. The supporting points are somewhat developed but could be better connected and organized for improved coherence and cohesion.
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