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Writing Samples
Band 4

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of people who consumed five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK over 8 years, which is from 2001 to 2008.

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of people who consumed five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK over 8 years, which is from 2001 to 2008.
#bar #proportion #people #five #portions #fruits #vegetables #uk #years
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The given bar
gragh
Correct your spelling
graph
 illustrates
Add an article
the
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proportion of people who consumed five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK over 8 years, which is from 2001 to 2008.
overall
Linking Words
,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
each
category
Use synonyms
 shows various features. In the case of children,
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
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 of children who consumed five portions of fruits and vegetables per day was the least in every
category
Use synonyms
, the
figure
Use synonyms
 was approximately 13% in 2001,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
figure
Use synonyms
 remained stable from 2001 to 2003.
How ever
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However
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, the
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proportion
promotion
proposition
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dramatically went up to roughly 25% in 2007,
it
Correct word choice
and it
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 reached to peak, the
figure
Use synonyms
 decreased to 23% in 2008, When it comes to women, the
percent
Replace the word
percentage
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 of them was the highest
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 every
category
Use synonyms
, the
figure
Use synonyms
 continuously rose from about 22% in 2001 to about 33% in 2006.
However
Linking Words
, the
percentegy
Correct your spelling
percentage
percentages
also
Linking Words
droped
Correct your spelling
dropped
 to 30% in 2008.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in the case
men
Change preposition
of men
show examples
, the
percentegy
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of them remained
steadly
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steadily
steady
 from 2001 to 2003, the
figure
Use synonyms
 was about 17%, the largest
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 was 27% in 2006 and in 2007. In conclusion,
every
Change preposition
in every
show examples
category
Use synonyms
 was that the highest
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 peaked
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in 2006.
Submitted by ryuhsty on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 92%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words category, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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