IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of people who consumed five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK over 8 years, which is from 2001 to 2008.

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of people who consumed five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK over 8 years, which is from 2001 to 2008.
#bar #proportion #people #five #portions #fruits #vegetables #uk #years
The given bar
gragh
Correct your spelling
graph
 illustrates
Add an article
the
show examples
proportion of people who consumed five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK over 8 years, which is from 2001 to 2008.
overall
,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
each
category
 shows various features. In the case of children,
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of children who consumed five portions of fruits and vegetables per day was the least in every
category
, the
figure
 was approximately 13% in 2001,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
figure
 remained stable from 2001 to 2003.
How ever
Correct your spelling
However
show examples
, the
Correct your spelling
proportion
promotion
proposition
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dramatically went up to roughly 25% in 2007,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 reached to peak, the
figure
 decreased to 23% in 2008, When it comes to women, the
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of them was the highest
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 every
category
, the
figure
 continuously rose from about 22% in 2001 to about 33% in 2006.
However
, the
percentegy
Correct your spelling
percentage
percentages
also
droped
Correct your spelling
dropped
 to 30% in 2008.
Moreover
, in the case
men
Change preposition
of men
show examples
, the
percentegy
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of them remained
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
steady
 from 2001 to 2003, the
figure
 was about 17%, the largest
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 was 27% in 2006 and in 2007. In conclusion,
every
Change preposition
in every
show examples
category
 was that the highest
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 peaked
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in 2006.
Submitted by ryuhsty on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 92%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words category, figure with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: