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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the 21st century, many women have come out of their home to become what we call working women. What are the advantages and disadvantages of women joining the workforce?

#st #century #women #home #workforce
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These days
,
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apply
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 is
commom
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common
 that most
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
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 of
women
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Fix the infinitive
to have
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have
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has
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 a job career. Many of them, especially young professionals, enjoy
to make
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making
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 money.
However
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, there are pros and cons to
considerate
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consider
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 before deciding to do
this
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss why
is
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are
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 so popular
Use synonyms
women
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for women
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working
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to work
show examples
 in
the
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apply
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companies and some of
challenges
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the challenges
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 to be overcome. Let's begin by looking
one
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at one
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 of the main
advantanges
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advantages
, which is to receive
salary
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a salary
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 based on their working hours. By
this
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 I mean, females were not allowed to work in past,
for
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this
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reason
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,reason
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 they use to depend
of
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on
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men
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men's
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 salaries and could not give
opinion
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an opinion
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in
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on
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 how to
adminstrate
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administrate
 it. Nowadays, once employed they have the opportunity
of
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to
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manage
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managing
show examples
 their profits.
That is
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 to say, it leads to
the
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apply
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independence.
Secondly
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, there
some
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are some
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 tasks which
women
Use synonyms
 make better. In the UK
for instance
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, Child Care Centres are known because
the
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of the
show examples
 female teams who
runs
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run
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 the business. Many professionals in
this
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 area are mothers, so they are prepared to cope with many situations. The success of these establishments is related to the maternal care of teachers
which
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who
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 have
a
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apply
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deep experience in
take
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taking
show examples
 care of children. On the other side of the
argurment
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argument
, housewives
whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 take part in
workforce
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the workforce
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 commonly are stressed and tired.
In other words
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, they develop two roles, one at the company and
other
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the other
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 managing their own houses.
This
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 leads to depression or a sense of they are not productive. Another issue is that
,
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apply
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women
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 low salary compared to men even in the same job position.
For
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this
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reason
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,reason
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 some
women
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 have to work
in
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apply
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two jobs in order to raise their profits.
This
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 is
a
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apply
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unfair competition. All
the
Correct article usage
apply
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things considered,
women
Use synonyms
 who decided to work face hard steps. It is necessary to weigh up
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
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 of making profits and the variety of job offers and the cons of
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
 problems or low salaries. Personally, I believe that the benefits of a career
grownth
Correct your spelling
growth
, eventually outweigh any drawbacks.
Submitted by pollyannamsouza on

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Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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