IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

A report indicated that many children between 7 and 11 years old watch television and/or play video game too much. How does the problem affect? What measures can be taken to control it?

#report #children #years #television #video #game #measures #control
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A research
Remove the article
Research
show examples
reveal
Change the verb form
reveals
show examples
 that many students from 7
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 11 years old do many
on
Add a hyphen
on-screen
show examples
screen
Use synonyms
activity
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
 television and
plat
Correct your spelling
play
show examples
video
Use synonyms
 games.
This
Linking Words
 essay will try to investigate
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 daily
activity
Use synonyms
 as a student and
also
Linking Words
 the solution to prevent it from a
Use synonyms
parent
Change noun form
parent's
show examples
 point of view. There are many
disadvantage
Change to a plural noun
disadvantages
show examples
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
screen
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 for
Add an article
the student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
. One of the biggest
disadvantage
Change to a plural noun
disadvantages
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 doing too much
screen
Use synonyms
activity
Use synonyms
 is lack of sleep
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they will give up their rest
time
Use synonyms
 to watch television or play
video
Use synonyms
 games. It will affect their schedule not only at home but
also
Linking Words
 at
school
Use synonyms
. If they cannot rest well, their body will feel tired,
Linking Words
furthermore
Add a comma
,furthermore
show examples
 it will impact
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
health
Use synonyms
. It
also
Linking Words
 may impact
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
school
Use synonyms
 assignment, they may not turn
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
show examples
 on
time
Use synonyms
, because they are so immerging in playing
video
Use synonyms
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, playing
video
Use synonyms
 games
also
Linking Words
 have some advantages,
such
Linking Words
 as
lea rn
Correct your spelling
learn
show examples
 about
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
 and as a media for stress relief for
student
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
. As a
parent
Use synonyms
, of
course
Add a comma
,course
show examples
 we want our kids to do well at
school
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 have a healthy lifestyle. To prevent the bad effect
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 too much
screen
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
,
firstly
Linking Words
Use synonyms
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 should make a schedule for
screen
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, kids can play
video
Use synonyms
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 or watch television after they make
school
Use synonyms
assignment
Fix the agreement mistake
assignments
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Add an article
a parent
the parent
show examples
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 can ask
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 kid to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise together
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the weekend so they will have physical
activity
Use synonyms
 to maintain their
health
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, extreme
screen
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 will influence
student’s
Fix the agreement mistake
students’
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 and their
school
Use synonyms
 life,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 it
also
Linking Words
 can be used as
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
stress relief.
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
Parents
show examples
Parent
Add an article
A parent
The parent
show examples
 cannot
banned
Change the verb form
ban
show examples
screen
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
, but have to make
schedule
Correct article usage
a schedule
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 it so kids still can do their hobbies
while
Linking Words
 not
damage
Wrong verb form
damaging
show examples
 their
health
Use synonyms
 and
school
Use synonyms
 life.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: