IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.
#show #percentage #water #purposes #six #areas #world
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The provided pie charts illustrate the proportions of the
usage
Use synonyms
 of
water
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in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 three different reasons (industrial, agricultural,domestic) in six
areas
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 of the world.
Overall
Linking Words
, four out of six
areas
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has
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have
show examples
 the highest percentage of
water
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usage
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in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 agricultural purposes,
while
Linking Words
 two
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areas's
Remove the s
areas'
show examples
higest
Correct your spelling
highest
usage
Use synonyms
 is for industrial reasons.
Besides
Linking Words
,the majority of
water
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spent
Add a missing verb
is spent
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
agricultureis
Correct your spelling
agriculture
agriculture is
 from central
Asia
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. In terms of agricultural purposes,
central
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Central
show examples
Asia
Use synonyms
 has the highest proportion of 88%,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Europe.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Africa and the
south east
Add a hyphen
south-east
show examples
Asia
Use synonyms
 account for 84% and 81% respectively for the same category.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Africa,
central
Correct word choice
and central
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 and
south east
Correct your spelling
southeast
show examples
Asia
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, witness similar
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
show examples
 in
water
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 consumption for harvesting. Interestingly, 7% of central and
south east
Correct your spelling
southeast
show examples
Asia
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's
water
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 allocates for domestic
usage
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 which is the same percentage that Africans use for industrial use.
However
Linking Words
,
water
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 from
north
Correct article usage
the north
show examples
 American area
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is used
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 industrial purposes,which is
account
Add an article
an account
show examples
 for 48%,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Europe reaches 53% in the same context. These two
areas
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' minimum
usage
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 of
water
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 is for domestic reasons.
Finally
Linking Words
, the highest domestic
usage
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 of 19% of
water
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 is from
south
Change the capitalization
South
show examples
 America, which is larger than the percentage of industrial
usage
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 which is 10%.
Submitted by dmdeemanthakasun on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words usage, water, areas, asia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • irrigation
  • domestic
  • industrial
  • regional disparity
  • economic structure
  • sustainable management
  • water-scarce
  • population density
  • urbanization
  • data trends
  • resource allocation
  • percentage distribution
  • extremes
  • variations
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