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Band 5.5

Some believe that having an enjoyable job is more important than to earn a lot of money while some believe that good salary will ensure a better life . Discuss both views .

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Introduction
It is argued that having an enjoyable
job
Use synonyms
 is more important than
to earn
Change the verb form
earning
show examples
 a lot of
money
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others disagree and believes that
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 salary will ensure a better
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay completely agrees with the concept that an enjoyable
job
Use synonyms
 is more important than
to earn
Change the verb form
earning
show examples
 a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 because
one
Use synonyms
 who loves to do his
job
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 will do better than
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
person
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 who
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not loves his
job
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.
Body paragraph 1
In
this
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 contemporary era,
one
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 can not lead a good
life
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 without a
job
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.
One
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 who has a
job
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 is able to provide all the basic needs
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 his family.
However
Linking Words
, it is more important to have an enjoyable
job
Use synonyms
 rather than
earning
Wrong verb form
earn
show examples
 a lot of
money
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. If a
person
Use synonyms
 does not love his
job
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 he will not be able to continue that work because after a certain period of
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
 he will feel bored. People should pursue
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jobs which give them satisfaction.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a
person
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pursue
Change the verb form
pursues
show examples
 a
job
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 from which he barely gets satisfaction, he will not be able to perform which will eventually lead him to failure.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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,
one
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 who has a good salary will surely be able to provide all the necessary things
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 his family.
However
Linking Words
, if he does not love his
job
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, he will be demotivated which will affect him mentally. To live a better
life
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one
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 has to meet all the basic demands for which a certain amount of
money
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 is required. After meeting his requirement, the extra
money
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 he will earn will add no value to his
life
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. That's why
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 having an enjoyable
job
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 is more important.
For example
Linking Words
, a rich man who does not love his
job
Use synonyms
 will not be happy more than the
person
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 who loves his
job
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, having an enjoyable
job
Use synonyms
 will help a
person
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 to be motivated all the time
besides
Linking Words
 giving him mental satisfaction.
As a result
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 should pursue the
job
Use synonyms
 they like to do .

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