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Band 5.5

Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. But others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are good at or they find most interest. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

#people #teenagers #school #subjects #focus #interest
The way students
studying
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
 is
one
 of the most
common
Change the word
commonly
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 debatable topics. Many people said that children should focus on all lessons in order to be good at everything, yet, I believe that
adolescent
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
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 must concentrate on
Add an article
an interested
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interested
Replace the word
interesting
show examples
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 for
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
better development. When focusing on the subjects that
one
 like, he or she is more likely to learn and perform
task
Add an article
the task
a task
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 better. I have a strong
believe
Replace the word
belief
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 that passion and motivation are the
crutial
Correct your spelling
crucial
critical
driver
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drivers
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sucess
Correct your spelling
success
. If students force to learn a lesson that they are not interested in, they will study
with
Change preposition
under
show examples
 pressure and the results will not be as expected. To illustrate, adolescents who hate sports will have
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 mindset toward their
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
Add the comma(s)
, as a result,
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as a result
 they can not
perfrom
Correct your spelling
perform
 well. Even though focusing on all subjects can increase
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
job opportunity for the kids in the future, it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 the children not be able to perform well
in
particular
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a particular
show examples
 subject. It would be better
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 If adolescents could concentrate on
one
 thing and take time to develop their knowledge and skills.
For instance
, Tiger Woods
start
Change the form of the verb
started
show examples
 playing golf
since
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 he was 9 years old.
Everyday
Replace the word
Every day
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 he skipped school to
praceticing
Correct your spelling
practising
 golf. From
this
 point, it shows that when
individual
Add an article
an individual
the individual
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 can find their special ability and work on improving it,
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 outstanding outcome will appear. In conclusion, some parents
encouragin
Correct your spelling
encouraging
encourage
 their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 to concentrate on every subject in
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 with the hope that their kids will be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smart
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 in the future,
however
, I think that smart people
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to be good
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 everything.
Be
Wrong verb form
Being
show examples
 professional in
one
 thing is enough.
Submitted by pnichapat.s on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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