IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Water is a natural resources that should be free. Government should ban the sale of bottled water. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#water #resources #government #ban #sale
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It is often argued that it is more advantageous if government forbid the sale of bottled
water
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. I completely disagree with
this
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 opinion and think that
this
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 trend has many drawbacks. First of all, I believe that
water
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 is one of the vital elements which is really necessary to human beings.
In other words
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, without a drink, none of the living creatures can survive. Unfortunately,
this
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 crucial element is limited in the world and because of global warming the natural glaciers are melting;
hence
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, it’s a great menace to natural
recourse
Correct your spelling
resources
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. The government should consider the future
people
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 and save
this
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 vital liquid.
For example
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, by selling the rain produced in the factory, the public understands its value and never wastes it carelessly.
Secondly
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, companies produce bottled drinks with great precision
and
Correct word choice
apply
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reduce harmful materials from
water
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 and add minerals that are required for the human body.
For instance
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, when
people
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 drink mineral
water
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, they know they
drink
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are drinking
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filtered
water
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 that doesn't have any detrimental effect on their bodies;
therefore
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, many diseases
eliminate
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are eliminated
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 from the earth and public hygiene may grow. What's more, by prohibiting bottled
water
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 trade many
people
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make
Verb problem
become
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 redundant and lose their job;
therefore
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, unemployment increase in society and the crowd should look for other jobs that may turn into illegal jobs.
To conclude
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, I strongly believe that selling
water
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 in bottles is more beneficial than distributing
water
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 freely because it is a significant element for living and
people
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 should use it thriftily ,
moreover
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, bottled
water
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 doesn't have a damaging effect on
people
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's bodies.
Submitted by Babak.ghassemi.9 on

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task response
Provide a more balanced argument by addressing counterarguments and acknowledging opposing views.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement and does not effectively introduce the main points. Work on organizing and connecting ideas more cohesively throughout the essay.
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