IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age. 150 words

The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age. 150 words
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart reveals the percentages of British people who purchased three types of music albums
according to
Linking Words
 sex and
age
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is obviously clear that there were 3 types of music albums which are called Pop,
Rock
Use synonyms
 and Classical
whereas
Linking Words
 the majority of people have bought
Rock
Use synonyms
 albums and a minor majority of citizens have purchased Classical music tapes
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
except the
age
Use synonyms
 group of +45.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Rock
Use synonyms
 song tapes have been purchased by a significant number of individuals
except
Add the preposition
forexcept
show examples
 older aged people and more than 30% of teenagers who were in the 25-34
age
Use synonyms
 group included it. Less than 20% of females and less than 10% of older ones had flavour on
Rock
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the percentages of buying Pop tapes were similar to the
Rock
Use synonyms
 percentages.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, 20% of society who were +45
age
Use synonyms
 had passionate about Classical,
in contrast
Linking Words
 to the ages 16-24 and 35-44.
However
Linking Words
, more than 15% of teenage individuals were captivated by Classic songs
while
Linking Words
 nearly 10% of males bought that kind of song CDs.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, rock with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: