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Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
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The pie charts illustrate the percentage of
time
Use synonyms
 that grown people consumed on many activities in a certain country in 1958 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, it clearly can be seen that working was the most significant activity over 50
years
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, Most people spent most of their
time
Use synonyms
 doing their jobs In both
years
Use synonyms
. working demonstrated all other activities and showed a considerable increase from 33% in 1958 to 42% in 2008. In the same pattern, sleeping remained the second highest daily activity even with a slight decrease from 32 % in the beginning to 25% by the end of that period of
time
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, relaxation at home attracted adults and rose from only 8% in 1958 to 13% of their
time
Use synonyms
 in 2008 doing nothing at home.
on the other hand
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 their busy life going out with family and friends became less popular over
years
Use synonyms
 and experienced a phone from 19 per cent to only 6 per cent in 2008.
In addition
Linking Words
, travel to work and other interests or playing sports accounted for a slight rise over
years
Use synonyms
 and ended up to approximately 8% in 2008.
Submitted by e.alharbii on

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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