The charts show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town A and B in two years 1960 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

#show #percentage #people #sectors #town #b #two #years #summarise #information #features #comparisons

The four charts compare the distribution of employment in 3 different sectors in

town

Fix the agreement mistake

towns

show examples

A and B in 1960 and 2010.

Overall

it is clear that

town

A saw an increase in the proportion of people working in manufacturing, which overtook the other sectors to employ most of the workers in the

town

. In

town

however

, sales

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

the highest percentage of the workforce. Looking at

town

A, we can see that in 1960, 41% of people had a sale-related job, which is much higher than the figure for manufacturing and services, at 30% and 29% respectively. Over the period shown, the proportion of people working in manufacturing witnessed a

drammatic

Correct your spelling

dramatic

rise and ranked top at 64%

while

the figure for sales

droped

Correct your spelling

dropped

a half to 20%, and the rest was for services at 16% only. Turning to

town

B, sales, despite a drop from 70% in 1960 to 53% in 2010, maintained to attract the majority of workers. Manufacturing and services,

in contrast

, saw a rise in the percentage of employees of 15% and 2%,respectively.

Submitted by bobong120906 on Mon Feb 20 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words town with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "droped" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

177 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this aﬀects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?

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