IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Climate change is a phenomenon that affects countries all over the world. Many people strongly believe that it is the responsibility of individuals, rather than corporations and government, to deal with this problem. To what extent do you agree?

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Nowadays we can see signs everywhere that the planet is getting warmer. Because there are more heat and cold waves than in the past.
For
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this
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 reason, many people believe that it is corporations' and authority's responsibility to solve
this
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 major problem. In
this
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 essay, I am going to explain why I agree with the
overall
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 opinion. We are eight billion humans living on earth and we must do something.
Firstly
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, the population used to go on holidays using a plane
instead
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 of a bus or train. Even for a short trip, there is a lot of public transport who are using green energy.
For example
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,
last
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 weekend I went on a trip to the coast. My destination was two hours away and I was alone on the train. So, I decided to check how it was with the plane. Unfortunately, all flight tickets were sold out.
Therefore
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, we had to change everyone's mind.
Secondly
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, there are more people living on the earth than corporations and governments. So, it is a big power to save our planet.
For instance
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, some politicians try to put more taxes on diesel vehicles. But it is not too expensive to remove all these kinds of transport.
Consequently
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, nothing
changes
Wrong verb form
has changed
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, humans are still buying them
instead
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 of electric cars. If humanity becomes aware of that, we can do something.
To conclude
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, authorities and companies cannot do it all. Changing the
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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 of the public can save the world. Like using different public transportation vehicles to go on holiday or avoiding buying cars that produce carbon dioxide which destroys our planet. I strongly believe that we all have the key to having a better life.

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt adequately, but the argument is not fully developed. Include a wider range of ideas and develop them more fully. Also, consider addressing counter-arguments to demonstrate a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the development of ideas is somewhat disorganized. Use clearer topic sentences and transitions to improve the overall structure and coherence of the essay.
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