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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show units of electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show units of electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The provided pie charts illustrate in terms of
electricity
Use synonyms
 generation based on different sources (coal, oil, natural gas,
hydro
Correct your spelling
hydropower
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power
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 and nuclear
power
Use synonyms
) in
Australia
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 and
France
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 in 1980 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Australia
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 used coal as their major source to produce
electricity
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 in both years.
However
Linking Words
,
France
Use synonyms
 showed significant figures in 2000
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 nuclear
power
Use synonyms
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
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.
Besides
Linking Words
, the total production of electric
power
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was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased in both regions. In
Australia
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, 50
units
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 of
electricity
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 were produced by burning coal in 1980 and it increased to 130
units
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 in 2000.
However
Linking Words
, in
France
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, it was only 25
units
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 that
generated
Add a missing verb
were generated
show examples
 by coal
in
Change preposition
apply
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each year.
In addition
Linking Words
,
hydro
Correct your spelling
hydropower
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power
Use synonyms
 contributed
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 20 and 36
units
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 in
Australia
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 in 1980 and 2000,
while
Linking Words
France
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 generated 5 and 2
units
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 in those years. Noticeably, the production of
electricity
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 by natural gas was reduced from 20 to 2
units
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 in
Australia
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 in
France
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, it declined from 25
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
units
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, oil usage was
also
Linking Words
 reduced in
Australia
Use synonyms
 for
electricity
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 but it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased in
France
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.
Finally
Linking Words
, it
is work
Change the verb form
is working
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 to point
that
Change preposition
out that
show examples
Australia
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 did not use nuclear
power
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 to generate
electricity
Use synonyms
 but
France
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 generated 15
units
Use synonyms
 in 1980 and 126
unit
Fix the agreement mistake
units
show examples
 in 2000.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, power, australia, france, units with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reduced" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • units of electricity production
  • fuel source
  • dominant source
  • reliance on coal
  • hydroelectric power
  • natural gas
  • significant reduction
  • primary source
  • drastically increased
  • transition
  • existing infrastructure
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