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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the percentage of New Zealand population from 1950 to 2050. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph shows the percentage of New Zealand population from 1950 to 2050. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#line #percentage #zealand #population #information #features #comparisons
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The graph compares the proportion of four
Use synonyms
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
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 of ages in New Zealand in the period between 1950 and 2050. During
this
Linking Words
 time, two
groups
Use synonyms
 with the age
from
Change preposition
apply
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35 to above have increased from 1950 to 2050,
while
Linking Words
 two other
groups
Use synonyms
 have experienced a decrease.
Group
Use synonyms
 35-74 is the
group
Use synonyms
 with the most dramatic increase in the percentage of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 and has the highest data in 1950. In 1950, the percentage of the
population
Use synonyms
 in
groups
Use synonyms
 0-14, 15-34, 35-64 and 65 plus were estimated at around 10%, 15%, 28% and 32% respectively. Over the following 40 years, the 15-34
group
Use synonyms
 rose strongly to about 45%,
while
Linking Words
 three other
groups
Use synonyms
 only changed slightly. In 2023,
0
Correct article usage
the 0
show examples
-14
group
Use synonyms
 and the 35-64
group
Use synonyms
 have the same figure for
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 and
group
Use synonyms
 35-65
group
Use synonyms
 begin overtaking
0
Correct article usage
the 0
show examples
-14
group
Use synonyms
. In 2030,
0
Correct article usage
the 0
show examples
-14
group
Use synonyms
 will continue to be overtaken by the
65 above
Add a hyphen
65-above
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 at around 16%,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
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 of the 15-34
group
Use synonyms
 will be still
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
. In 2045,
35
Correct article usage
the 35
show examples
-64
group
Use synonyms
 will start to overtake the 15-34
group
Use synonyms
 at 30% and become the
group
Use synonyms
 with the biggest proportion of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
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 in New Zealand. In the
last
Linking Words
 year in the graph, the data of the
population
Use synonyms
 of 4
groups
Use synonyms
 are predicted in order from 0 to 65 above years old at about 10%, 29%, 34% and 20% respectively.
Submitted by andyvinhtran1212 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words group, groups, population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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