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Band 5.5

Since the 18th century technological advances have replaced people in the workplace. With today’s technology this process is happening at a greater rate. Technology is increasingly responsible for unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#century #advances #people #workplace #today’s #technology #process #rate #unemployment
Nowadays, the unemployment rate has been increased drastically when
compare
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compared
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 to the olden age because most
of
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apply
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companies
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the companies
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 dependent on highly advanced
machineries
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machinery
types of machinery
pieces of machinery
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 for work. Presently, only around 50% of duties were carried out by human beings. The below paragraphs provided
with
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apply
show examples
examples
how
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of how
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 technology impacted
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 generation. Earlier, there was no development in electronics and mechanics, whole activities
was
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were
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 performed by
the
Correct article usage
a
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 group of
people
 to complete the projects.
For example
,
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
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 of
Correct article usage
a building
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building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
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 required numerous
employee
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employees
show examples
, to load and unloading of bricks, cement and some more items to hand over from
ground
Correct article usage
the ground
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 to
top
Correct article usage
the top
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 floor job was done by
people
.
Hence
, excess
man power
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manpower
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 requirement was taken by
organisation
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the organisation
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.
Moreover
, as years passed gradually companies started to implement instruments to carry out huge activity
these activity
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this activity
these activities
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hence
people
scared
Add a missing verb
were scared
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about
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of
show examples
lossing
Correct your spelling
losing
Correct pronoun usage
their job
show examples
job
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jobs
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 so altogether made
Correct article usage
a commitee
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commitee
Correct your spelling
committee
for
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apply
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against
to
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apply
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implementation.
Thus
, technology bought
major
Correct article usage
a major
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 reason for
Add an article
an individual
the individual
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individual
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individuals
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 to leave as jobless. Insecurity in
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
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 culture is increasing all in countries by each day.
While
 comparing to
traditional
Correct article usage
the traditional
show examples
 period the rate percentage of
population
Add an article
the population
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 is more. Another instance is
production
Correct article usage
the production
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 procedure
carrying
Wrong verb form
carried
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 out in pharma industries where from the stage of sampling of material
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 packing was processed without stopping of
operator
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the operator
an operator
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. Hardly five to six
man
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men
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 to be
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 inside the manufacturing area. Once the container is empty automatically cleaning procedure will be done by itself.
Further
Add an article
The further
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 computer came across all manual documentation initiated in software.
Hence
,
according to
current
Correct article usage
the current
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population
Add a comma
,population
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unemployment is more. In conclusion, the number of
people
 getting opportunities in the organisation is very less
due to
 development.
Thus
, I am agreeing with the statement.
Submitted by aishwaryarkunnummal on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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