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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Since the 18th century technological advances have replaced people in the workplace. With today’s technology this process is happening at a greater rate. Technology is increasingly responsible for unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#century #advances #people #workplace #today’s #technology #process #rate #unemployment
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Nowadays, the unemployment rate has been increased drastically when
compare
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compared
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 to the olden age because most
of
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apply
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companies
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the companies
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 dependent on highly advanced
machineries
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machinery
types of machinery
pieces of machinery
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 for work. Presently, only around 50% of duties were carried out by human beings. The below paragraphs provided
with
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apply
show examples
examples
how
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of how
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 technology impacted
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 generation. Earlier, there was no development in electronics and mechanics, whole activities
was
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were
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 performed by
the
Correct article usage
a
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 group of
people
 to complete the projects.
For example
,
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
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 of
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a building
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building
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buildings
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 required numerous
employee
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employees
show examples
, to load and unloading of bricks, cement and some more items to hand over from
ground
Correct article usage
the ground
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 to
top
Correct article usage
the top
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 floor job was done by
people
.
Hence
, excess
man power
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manpower
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 requirement was taken by
organisation
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the organisation
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.
Moreover
, as years passed gradually companies started to implement instruments to carry out huge activity
these activity
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this activity
these activities
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hence
people
scared
Add a missing verb
were scared
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about
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of
show examples
lossing
Correct your spelling
losing
Correct pronoun usage
their job
show examples
job
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jobs
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 so altogether made
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a commitee
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commitee
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committee
for
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apply
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against
to
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apply
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implementation.
Thus
, technology bought
major
Correct article usage
a major
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 reason for
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an individual
the individual
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individual
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individuals
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 to leave as jobless. Insecurity in
work place
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workplace
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 culture is increasing all in countries by each day.
While
 comparing to
traditional
Correct article usage
the traditional
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 period the rate percentage of
population
Add an article
the population
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 is more. Another instance is
production
Correct article usage
the production
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 procedure
carrying
Wrong verb form
carried
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 out in pharma industries where from the stage of sampling of material
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 packing was processed without stopping of
operator
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the operator
an operator
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. Hardly five to six
man
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men
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 to be
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 inside the manufacturing area. Once the container is empty automatically cleaning procedure will be done by itself.
Further
Add an article
The further
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 computer came across all manual documentation initiated in software.
Hence
,
according to
current
Correct article usage
the current
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population
Add a comma
,population
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unemployment is more. In conclusion, the number of
people
 getting opportunities in the organisation is very less
due to
 development.
Thus
, I am agreeing with the statement.
Submitted by aishwaryarkunnummal on

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Your opinion

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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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