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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #stages #equipment #process #cement #purposes #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The provided diagrams illustrate the
man made
Add a hyphen
man-made
show examples
process
Add an article
the process
show examples
 of
cement
Use synonyms
 production and the
concrete making
Add a hyphen
concrete-making
show examples
 process for construction purposes.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
cement
Use synonyms
-making procedure includes several devices
such
Linking Words
 as
crusher
Correct article usage
a crusher
show examples
, mixer, rotating heater and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
grinder.
Also
Linking Words
, there are defined
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
 of each raw material to produce good quality concrete.
As raw
Change preposition
Raw
show examples
materials
Use synonyms
 of
cement
Use synonyms
, limestone and clay
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 used.
Firstly
Linking Words
, both these
materials
Use synonyms
 go through a crusher and become powder. In the next step, the crushed limestone and clay are well mixed in a mixer and travel to a heater.
This
Linking Words
 heater intakes fire from a separate device and rotates continuously in
in
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
order to heat the mixed limestone and clay properly. In the following stage,
heated
Add an article
the heated
show examples
 mixture goes through a grinder and becomes
cement
Use synonyms
.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the final stage,
cement
Use synonyms
 is packed in bags to deliver to the market. In terms of producing concrete, it requires four main input
materials
Use synonyms
 (
cement
Use synonyms
, water, sand and gravel).
Besides
Linking Words
, in order to produce
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 concrete, it is required to add raw
materials
Use synonyms
 in
correct
Correct article usage
the correct
show examples
 proportions. In
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
, 15%
cement
Use synonyms
 should be added with 10% of water to the concrete mixer,
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
including 25% sand and 50% gravel.
Finally
Linking Words
, it should mix well prior to the use in
building
Add an article
the building
show examples
 process.
Submitted by dmdeemanthakasun on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cement, materials with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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