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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line graph below shows the relationship between age and crime in the UK in the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows the relationship between age and crime in the UK in the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The chart reveals how
age
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 and
crime
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 have been related in 2002 in the UK. The line graph deals with ages between 0-60. The first thing we can notice is the fact that the
crime
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rate
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 remains steady from the
age
Use synonyms
 of 0 to 8, so it tells us that kids below 8 years old never committed illicit.
Then
Linking Words
, the
crime
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rate
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 starts slightly rising and it strongly increases from
te
Correct your spelling
the
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age
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 of twelve by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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65%. The graph keeps rising reaching its peak at the
age
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 of 20
,
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 when the
crime
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rate
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 is 80%. From the highest point, it begins its decline: from the
age
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 of 20 to 28 the percentage
dicreases
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decreases
decreased
 by
the
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65%. The
rate
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 keeps declining, dropping below
the
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10% for people over 60s. In conclusion, from the
chart
Add a comma
,chart
show examples
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the majority of the illegal actions of
last
Linking Words
 year in the UK have been committed by young people between 12-28,
while
Linking Words
 the level of offences of adults is considerably lower.
Altought
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Although
, the
age
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 group who
commited
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committed
 the less criminal acts is the one that goes from 0 to 8 years old.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, crime, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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