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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below gives information from a 2008 report about consumption of energy in the USA since 1980 with projections until 2030. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information from a 2008 report about consumption of energy in the USA since 1980 with projections until 2030. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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the graph below provides information about
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of energy in the United States of America in the period of 1980 to 2030 with projections. as can be seen in 1980 petrol and oil had the highest
quadrillion
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 with 35,
whereas
Linking Words
 the lowest
quadrillion
Use synonyms
 unit had solar/wind,
however
Linking Words
 since 2000, it did increase and since that the lowest
quadrillion
Use synonyms
 unit has hydropower, it has a little less than 5
quadrillion
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
. in 1980 nuclear had a little less than 5
quadrillion
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
however
Linking Words
 after its increasing it has more than 5
quadrillion
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
. As it is shown in
this
Linking Words
 graph the original
quadrillion
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 of natural gas used to be 20
however
Linking Words
 it decreased
then
Linking Words
 increased and
finally
Linking Words
 after that it is unchanged,
while
Linking Words
 Coal originally had more or less 15
quadrillion
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 but
due to
Linking Words
 its rising in 2030 it will have roughly 30
quadrillion
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
, and hydropower in 2030 will have the lowest
quadrillion
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words quadrillion, units with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "a little less than" was used 2 times.
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