IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2012. Summarise information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.

The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2012. Summarise information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.
#percentage #staff #members #faculties #university #summarise #information #features #comparison
The graph demonstrates the portion in
gender
Add an article
the gender
show examples
 of academic
staff
 in 7 faculties of a specific university in 2012. In general, in most faculties, the percentage of female
staff
 is higher than the one of male
staff
. It can be seen clearly that most of
female
Add an article
the female
show examples
staff
participates
Correct subject-verb agreement
participate
show examples
 in the
faculty
 of engineering
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
85%.
In contrast
, there is only 25% of
staff
decides
Wrong verb form
decided
show examples
 to join the education
faculty
, which
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
show examples
 at the lowest place.
Faculty
 of Science, Business and Law follow with the
relatively
Replace the word
relative
show examples
 amount of
staff
 joined, at around 60%. The percentage of joining the
faculty
 of Medicine records at 49%.
From
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other side,
Education
Correct article usage
the Education
show examples
faculty
 witnesses the highest percentage of male
staff
 taking part
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with 72%. There is 58% of male
staff
joins
Correct subject-verb agreement
join
show examples
 the Arts
faculty
. The
faculty
 of medicine only draws half of
male
Add an article
the male
show examples
staff
. The Business and Science
faculty
 record the nearly same amount of
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 who
like
Change the verb form
likes
show examples
 to join, at 35% and 38% respectively. Engineering
Faculty
 stays at the lowest place with only 18% of
staff
 deciding to take part
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by ph.phuonganh96 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Add more linking words.
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words staff, faculty with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: