Coins and paper money will soon be replaced by credit and bank cards. Eventually we will have a cashless society which will be safer and more convenient for everyone. Do you agree or disagree

#coins #paper #money #credit #bank #cards #cashless #society

Nowadays, many present-day

transations

Correct your spelling

transactions

transitions

and economic activities happen without cash,

some

Correct word choice

and some

show examples

people think that we would move forward to a safer and more convenient cashless

society

However

, I disagree with it.

Firstly

, electronic

payments

are not private and safe as cash

payments

Although

digital

payments

can reduce the costs and the risks associated with handling and storing paper money in physical banks,

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

expose

custmer's

Correct your spelling

customer's

customers

persnal

Correct your spelling

personal

information to a possible data breach. It shows that the hacking risk has

been

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

increased gradually over the past few years since

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

online

payments

becomes more and more universal.

Secondly

, a cashless

society

helps some international

transations

Correct your spelling

transactions

somehow, but it can be more problematic for

oursociety

Correct your spelling

our society

For example

, if any technological issues happened, it would be inconvenient to handle

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

as we have no alternative source of money.

Moreover

, it can increase economic inequality for some people who can not use internet

payments

very well. In conclusion, a cashless

society

can be beneficial in some ways, but it needs a

lot

Add the preposition

oflot

show examples

efforts

Fix the agreement mistake

effort

show examples

with technical development and federal law protection.

Thus

, paper money still plays an important role in our

society

and

near

Correct article usage

the near

show examples

future.

Submitted by irenelnn9702 on Sat Mar 18 2023

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

190 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Coins and paper money will soon be replaced by credit and bank cards. Eventually we will have a cashless society which will be safer and more convenient for everyone. Do you agree or disagree

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Which of the following factors is the most important when deciding to get a job? Choose one of the options below and provide specific reasons or examples. Location The opportunity to learn various work skills The possibility of a long-term career: Có khả năng làm việc lâu dài

Some people think that the best way to learn about business is to study a course at college or university. Others believe that there are other better ways to learn about business.

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreing language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

There is a problem with the changing rooms in the sports centre that you visit. You have complained several times but with no success. •describe what the problem with the changing rooms is • say what happened the last times you complained • explain what you want the manager to do.