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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The given bar chart
indiacate
Correct your spelling
indicate
indicates
 the alteration
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
people
 in
Australia
 who were born in domestic and outside
Australia
living
Correct word choice
and living
show examples
 in urban,
rural
Correct word choice
and rural
show examples
 and
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
 between 1995 and 2010. As can be seen from the graph,
people
 who were born in
Australia
 and outside
Australia
 in 1995 and 2010 most of them living in
cities
. And in 2010, we can see that only
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
people
 who
living
Change the form of the verb
live
show examples
 in
in
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
rural areas. It is clear from the data that the majority of
people
 living in
cities
 are more than 50% in 1995 and 2010.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 the
people
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 outside
Australia
 who
live
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
 in
cities
 are
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 proportion in 1995 and 2010.
In contrast
,
people
 born outside
Australia
 only got nearly 10% living in
town
Add an article
a town
the town
show examples
 in 1995 .
On the other hand
,
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 born outside
Australia
 only has 5%
living
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
 in rural areas in 2010.
To sum up
, either
people
 who were born in
Australia
 or
pople
Correct your spelling
people
 born outside
Australia
loves
Change the verb form
love
show examples
 to live in
cities
, and rural areas
drmatically
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 decreased
within
Change preposition
by
show examples
 20% in 2010 from 1995.
Submitted by yiinn317 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 74%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia, cities with synonyms.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
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