The charts show the percentage of people working in different sectors in Town A in two years, 1960 and 2010

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The pie chart depicts the number of working candidates in different departments in the years 1960 and 2010 in Town A.

Overall

Linking Words

, the manufacturing department stands out with the increase in the percentage of workers comparatively between the years. And

in contrast

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, the other two sectors have seen their downside in the year 2010 from 1960.

To begin

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with, a large number of people preferred to work in 1960 in the service department with a percentage of 41 and

in contrast

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, It has decreased by almost more than half the percentage in 2010 to 20%.

Similarly

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, the manufacturing department

also

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showed some promise at the beginning, but people tend to lose interest in

this

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field too, with a number of only 16% in 2010. Next, manufacturing is unique when compared to the other two sectors.

That is

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to say, it is the only sector which is not as popular as services in 1960 with adults preferring only 29%. But

due to

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large development in recent years, more than half the people are working in the manufacturing section with a significant rise to 64% which is three times more than sales and services.

yashwanth1plusSat Mar 18 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".

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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

192 words

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The charts show the percentage of people working in different sectors in Town A in two years, 1960 and 2010

Some scientists believe intelligent life forms may exist in other planets and some want to send messages to the space to contact with these life forms. But other scientists believe it is a bad idea and it could be dangerous discuss both ideas and give your own opinion.

Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries.Explain the main causes and effects of this problem,and suggest some possible solutions.

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those whose are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public area. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

In many modern societies , grandchildren rarely spend any quality time with their grandparents. What do you think are the consequences of this?

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that mnay cities in the world are now "one big traffic jam". How true do you think this statement is? What measures can government take to discourage people from using their cars?