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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The pie charts below show units of eletricity production by fuel source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000. Summarise the information by selectiong and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show units of eletricity production by fuel source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000. Summarise the information by selectiong and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given pie charts give information about the percentage of
electricity
Use synonyms
 generated by five different resources in two countries during 1980 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see that
Australia
Use synonyms
 used coal as its major source of
electricity
Use synonyms
 in both years,
whereas
Linking Words
France
Use synonyms
 used more nuclear power sources in 2000.
In addition
Linking Words
, the total production of
electricity
Use synonyms
 grew for both countries over the years.  In 1980, 50
units
Use synonyms
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
 were produced by coal, and
this
Linking Words
 figure rapidly increased to 130
units
Use synonyms
 in just twenty years.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, in
France
Use synonyms
, only 25
units
Use synonyms
 were generated
in
Change preposition
apply
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each year.
Moreover
Linking Words
, hydropower accounted for 20 and 36
units
Use synonyms
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
France
Use synonyms
 produced only 5 and 2
units
Use synonyms
 each year. It is noticeable that the production of
electricity
Use synonyms
 by using natural gas was reduced from 20 to 2
units
Use synonyms
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
.
Likewise
Linking Words
,
France
Use synonyms
's natural resources declined significantly from 25 to 2
units
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 oil usage decreased rapidly from 10 to 2
units
Use synonyms
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 figure rose slowly in
France
Use synonyms
 (from 20 to 25
units
Use synonyms
).

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, australia, france, units with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rapidly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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