IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant You should write at least 150 words.

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant You should write at least 150 words.
#show #percentage #time #adults #activities #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pie chart depicts the percentage of
time
Use synonyms
 working individuals spent in 6 major activities in the years 1958 and 2008 in a country.
Overall
Linking Words
, the activities of Working and Sleeping remains the dominant one irrespective of the years,
while
Linking Words
 the other activities are on the lower side throughout. Focusing on the year 1958, people loved working and sleeping as they have huge percentages of 33 and 32 respectively. Travelling hours is the minimum
time
Use synonyms
 spent in a day with only 2%. Even though 60% of the day has gone to sleep and work, people took some
time
Use synonyms
 to go out with friends and family which is
around
Add an article
an around
the around
show examples
 one-fifth
time
Use synonyms
 of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 day. There is no
time
Use synonyms
 for other interests and sporting activity and relaxing which has recorded 6% and 8% respectively
On the other hand
Linking Words
, even after the gap of 50 years, sleeping and working are the highest
time
Use synonyms
 spent activity with the former slightly decreased to 25% and the latter raised to 42% compared to 1958.
Although
Linking Words
 travelling
time
Use synonyms
 has increased to 8%, people found extra
time
Use synonyms
 to relax at home with a steady increase to 13%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, hanging out
time
Use synonyms
 has seen a major downside of percentage to 6%. Sports activity has slightly increased to 8%.
Submitted by yashwanth1plus on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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