IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now "one big traffic jam." How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?

#car #ownership #thirty #years #cities #world #traffic #jam #measures #governments #people #cars
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The number of
people
Use synonyms
 owning
cars
Use synonyms
 has reportedly increased in the
last
Linking Words
 30 years. It makes cities in the entire world have to deal with serious issues of traffic congestion. I believe that
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days, it truly occurs as more
people
Use synonyms
 can afford
cars
Use synonyms
 to get convenience in
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 or commuting, but roadways seem uneasy to expand. Government should think of
this
Linking Words
 problem seriously whether to give
alternative
Fix the agreement mistake
alternatives
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
transportation
Use synonyms
 or limit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
car
Use synonyms
 ownership by raising the
tax
Use synonyms
. It is true that more and more
people
Use synonyms
 in recent days have
cars
Use synonyms
. In my village in the
developping
Correct your spelling
developing
 country,
Indonesia
Change preposition
of Indonesia
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 who already earn more money,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
really want to buy
cars
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because they think
Use synonyms
car
Add an article
the car
a car
show examples
 is representative of wealth and
also
Linking Words
 they could go anywhere and anytime comfortably, as in my village, there is little and very limited public
transportation
Use synonyms
. In consequence, since
people
Use synonyms
 can get
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
various
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
 get
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
money, my village’s streets are getting crowded
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
cars
Use synonyms
 and delay
people
Use synonyms
’s productivity. Looking at
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon in my small village that brings problems, governments as the rulers have to take action. The number of
car
Use synonyms
 owners has to be controlled in
such
Linking Words
 ways
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 raising the
tax
Use synonyms
 and releasing more improved public
transportation
Use synonyms
. By raising the
tax
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 would think twice about buying
cars
Use synonyms
, and the government could invest more in developing public
transportation
Use synonyms
. With improvements
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 public
transportation
Use synonyms
 in terms of service, facilities, and affordability,
for example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who want to save
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
money would definitely switch from using their own
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
,
car
Use synonyms
 numbers in traffic will decrease, and
people
Use synonyms
 will never get stuck
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the road anymore. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
’s prosperity gets higher than before and they can afford to buy
cars
Use synonyms
, it brings a new problem to them themselves: traffic jams. The government could do anything to solve
this
Linking Words
 issue, but I personally suppose that they should upraise the
car
Use synonyms
tax
Use synonyms
 and
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
this
Linking Words
tax
Use synonyms
 to maintain more public
transportation
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by salwafahanim on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: