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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the changes in food consumption by Chinese people between 1985 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the changes in food consumption by Chinese people between 1985 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph below shows changes in
Use synonyms
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of
fish
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,
salt
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 and
meat
Use synonyms
 eaten per person per week
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 Chinese people between 1985-2010.
Amount
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 the people the
consumption
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 of
fish
Use synonyms
 rose,
while
Linking Words
 the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
salt
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 fell.
In addition
Linking Words
,the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
meat
Use synonyms
, at a relatively low level,rose
significantky
Correct your spelling
significantly
 during
this
Linking Words
 period. From the
graph
Add a comma
,graph
show examples
 we can see that people in China overload more
fish
Use synonyms
 than either
meat
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 or
salt
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 throughout the period.
In by
Change preposition
By
show examples
 1985,the
consumption
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 of
fish
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 had stood at 600
grams
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,
then
Linking Words
 increased to 700
grams
Use synonyms
 in 1990.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 it immerse in 1995,that after rose steadily in
additionto
Correct your spelling
addition to
 reached 810
grams
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 in 2010 In
constrast
Correct your spelling
contrast
,there was a consistent drop
Use synonyms
salt
Change preposition
in salt
show examples
consuption
Correct your spelling
consumption
.
Although
Linking Words
 it
advensed
Correct your spelling
advanced
 in 1985,it
then
Linking Words
 dipped
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
steady
 and reached 300
grams
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there was normal
meat
Use synonyms
consuption
Correct your spelling
consumption
.The
amount
Use synonyms
 consumed rose
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
 from almost 100
grams
Use synonyms
,per person to only 90
grams
Use synonyms
 by 2010. The
amount
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 of
meat
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 consumed weekly started at about 100
grams
Use synonyms
.By 2010 it was at the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
same level as the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
meat
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, fish, salt, meat, consumption, grams with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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