IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The graph below shows the changes in food consumption by Chinese people between 1985 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The graph below shows the changes in food consumption by Chinese people between 1985 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#minutes #changes #food #consumption #chinese #people #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The graph below shows changes in
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of
fish
,
salt
 and
meat
 eaten per person per week
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 Chinese people between 1985-2010.
Amount
 the people the
consumption
 of
fish
 rose,
while
 the
consumption
 of
salt
 fell.
In addition
,the
consumption
 of
meat
, at a relatively low level,rose
significantky
Correct your spelling
significantly
 during
this
 period. From the
graph
Add a comma
,graph
show examples
 we can see that people in China overload more
fish
 than either
meat
 or
salt
 throughout the period.
In by
Change preposition
By
show examples
 1985,the
consumption
 of
fish
 had stood at 600
grams
,
then
 increased to 700
grams
 in 1990.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 it immerse in 1995,that after rose steadily in
additionto
Correct your spelling
addition to
 reached 810
grams
 in 2010 In
constrast
Correct your spelling
contrast
,there was a consistent drop
salt
Change preposition
in salt
show examples
consuption
Correct your spelling
consumption
.
Although
 it
advensed
Correct your spelling
advanced
 in 1985,it
then
 dipped
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
steady
 and reached 300
grams
 in 2010.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there was normal
meat
consuption
Correct your spelling
consumption
.The
amount
 consumed rose
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
 from almost 100
grams
,per person to only 90
grams
 by 2010. The
amount
 of
meat
 consumed weekly started at about 100
grams
.By 2010 it was at the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
same level as the
consumption
 of
meat
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, fish, salt, meat, consumption, grams with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼

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