IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #time
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There are two types of
parents
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 nowadays. The first one thinks that their
child
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 must take part in social life and activities. They are always trying to put their
child
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 in different areas. Vice versa, the
second
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type
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 of
parents
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 sure that every
child
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 must
to
Change the verb form
apply
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learn and progress himself only. So, who is right and what
type
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 of
growing
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 is more productive? Let’s start
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
second
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type
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. I have to say that communication with other children is absolutely necessary. The baby must see other babies and understand how to get on well with them.
Linking Words
Otherwise
Add a comma
,Otherwise
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 in
future
Add a comma
,future
show examples
 it will be a big obstacle for communication with other people. Now, let’s continue with the
second
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type
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 of
parents
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.
This
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type
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 is more productive for teenagers. But when
parents
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 let
them
Change the pronoun
their
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freedom
Add a missing verb
have freedom
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 it doesn’t mean they don’t control them. It's good for teenagers when you have a lot of possibilities of what to do and they can decide
whom
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 they want to be in future. I’m sure that my growth was as good as it must be. When I was 4 years old my
parents
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 always put me in different sections where I had enough possibilities to communicate with different people.
Then
Linking Words
 when I become a teenager I concentrate more on myself and forget about
social
Correct pronoun usage
my social
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 life. My
parents
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 agreed with me and weren’t against it. We can see that both types of
parents
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 are right but
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 different times of growing up. When their
child
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 just started growing up the first
type
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 will be more productive. But when It’s time for teenage life the person must be growing up himself, so the
second
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 variant is correct in
this
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 case. That was my opinion about
this
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 topic. Let me know if you agree or disagree with me. Best wishes, Artur
Submitted by illia.gaponiuk on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • occupied
  • organized
  • group activities
  • benefits
  • social
  • teamwork skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • friendship
  • discipline
  • time management
  • interests
  • hobbies
  • independent play
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • self-reliance
  • explore
  • discover
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