The first chart below shows the percentages of women and men in a country involved in some kinds of home tasks (cooking, cleaning, pet caring and repairing the house. The second chart shows the amount of time each gender spent on each task per day.

#first #percentages #women #men #country #kinds #home #tasks #pet #house #second #amount #time #gender

The first

chart

shows the percentage of housework that

males

and

females

do. The second

chart

illustrates the average time spent on housework by

males

and

females

. In the first

chart

, we can see that in cooking and cleaning,

females

have more percentage than

males

by almost 20

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

in both of them. In pet care, there are almost the same numbers for both of them, but in house repairs, men have more percentage than women with approximately 20 and 10

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

. In the second

chart

females

spend approximately an hour and a half on cooking

while

males

spend on it 60

minutes

. The same situation is with cleaning.

While

women spend on it about 70

minutes

, men spend 50

minutes

on it.

However

, the time on pet care, which both

males

and

females

spend, equals around 20

minutes

Finally

, men do house repairs almost 3 times more than women.

Submitted by nikita.nikityuk1 on Thu Mar 30 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

▼

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, males, females, minutes with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.

▼

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

150 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The first chart below shows the percentages of women and men in a country involved in some kinds of home tasks (cooking, cleaning, pet caring and repairing the house. The second chart shows the amount of time each gender spent on each task per day.

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Some people believe that students work better if the teacher is strict; others think it is better for students, if the teacher has a friendly approach. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Some people think that mobile phone should be banned in public places such as libraries, shops and on public transport. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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