Some people think that the government should ban dangerous sports, but others think that people should have freedom to choose sports activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Violent

sports

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as boxing and bull-riding have gained popularity all over the world. Some folks believe that these kinds of cruel activities should be

prohibited

Punctuation problem

prohibited,

show examples

while

Linking Words

others hold a completely opposite view. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will express both perspectives and give my reasons why

this

Linking Words

entertainment should be terminated. On one hand, these violent

sports

Use synonyms

provide only a one-off excitement to the audience

Punctuation problem

;

show examples

however

Linking Words

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

might have long-term consequences for the fighters or players. Engaging in these dangerous games is full of risks

Punctuation problem

;

show examples

often, the fighters or bull-riders might end up with a broken nose or collapsed ribs.

This

Linking Words

is only a piece of the iceberg. In fact, we often see some MMA fighters end up in a vegetative state

due to

Linking Words

an injury to the spinal cord during a match.

In other words

Linking Words

, these

sports

Use synonyms

do not provide an enjoyable experience to the participants

but

Punctuation problem

, but

show examples

rather the purpose is to give pleasure to the viewers, and

therefore

Linking Words

, they should be banned.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, some individuals claim that everyone should have the autonomy to participate in any

sports

Use synonyms

they desire. Even though fighting may cause them

injured

Verb problem

to be injured

show examples

or paralysed for the rest of their

life

Use synonyms

, it could be something that they are generally interested in or it is their goal in

life

Use synonyms

. Take the example of Bruce Lee, a famous Hong Kong and American martial artist, who spent his whole

life

Use synonyms

studying Kung Fu and eventually connected his body with electricity to speed up his movement and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

punches.

This

Linking Words

undeniably shows how much he loved Kung Fu and how much he is willing to give to

this

Linking Words

sport, but it

also

Linking Words

demonstrated his insanity in pursuing his

goal

Punctuation problem

goal,

show examples

let alone his own

life

Use synonyms

To conclude

Linking Words

, I personally agree that violent games should be prohibited because the disadvantages outweigh their advantages. Not only does it

causes

Correct subject-verb agreement

cause

show examples

long-term harm to the participants but

also

Linking Words

has no benefits to the audiences.

joewingpun1992

Mar 31, 2023

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task

Your view is clear, but you need more strong points and facts to back them up.

coherence

Link your ideas with good words like 'first', 'also', 'however', 'therefore' to show how you move from one idea to the next.

language

Fix spelling and form. Use plain, simple form and short sentences to make it easy to read.

task

Give more real and close examples that fit the task. Do not use wrong facts.

conclusion

End with a short clear finish that restates your thought.

task

The essay shows a clear view and a plan.

coherence

There are sign words that show the move from one idea to the next.

task

Some good idea on why people may not want to ban these sports.

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

323 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

ban
dangerous
government
freedom
choose
activities
sports
injuries
responsibility
citizens
young people
risk
protecting
excitement
satisfaction
facing risks
life
limits
jobs
income
instructors
companies
safer
personal
right
enjoy

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