IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You applied to a job, were offered the position, but have decided not to accept the offer. Write a letter to the HR supervisor with whom you interviewed. In your letter: Explain the reason why you are declining the offer Describe your reasons for staying with your current position Express your gratitude Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Ms. Barry,

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Dear
Ms.
Change the punctuation
Ms

The abbreviated title Ms. seems to be punctuated incorrectly. Consider changing the punctuation.

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 Barry, I am writing to regrettably inform you that I have decided to decline the job
offer
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. I am declining the
offer
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 because of the following reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I am not sure if there is a
culture
Replace the word
cultural

The word culture doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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 fit. I am not sure if I would have the freedom to experiment and openness to learning. During the
interview
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, one of the engineers mentioned
about
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the high churn among the Managers. Unfortunately,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 is a red flag and reflects a lack of direction within the Engineering organization. I would like to remain in my current position because it affords me the flexibility to pursue my higher education. As I mentioned during the
interview
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, I am studying towards gaining my Master's degree in Computer Science.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I was approved for financial aid and
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun promotion in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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promotion on completion of the degree. I want to thank you again for
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 generous
offer
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 of employment. It was a smooth
interview
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 process, beginning with the first
interview
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and all the way to the final
offer
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Yours sincerely, Andrew Songate

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