IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. Unemployment Rates: US and Japan

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. Unemployment Rates: US and Japan
#unemployment #rates #japan #march
This
 line chart depicts
Correct article usage
the percnteage
show examples
percnteage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of unemployment in two countries:
Correct article usage
the
show examples
United States and Japan from
March
 1993 to
March
 1999. It is clear from the graph that,
Correct article usage
the difference
show examples
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
Change preposition
in ratio
show examples
ratio
Fix the agreement mistake
ratios
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unemployment between these countries.
According to
 what is shown, in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 the proportion of
work force
Correct your spelling
workforce
show examples
 it is
sink
Add an article
a sink
the sink
show examples
 in
March
 1995, but in that year it is consistent until
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 year,
then
also
 drop in
March
 1999.
While
 in Japan increase from
March
 1993 to
March
 1996, but in
March
 1997 it
is seem
Change the verb form
seems
show examples
 steady and
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
last
 years between
March
 1998 and
March
 1999 the
work force
Correct your spelling
workforce
show examples
climbly
Correct your spelling
climbed
climbing
.
To sum up
, we could say that, their sharp
deference
Correct your spelling
difference
show examples
 between these countries because in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States There is a noticeable drop, but in Japan
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
 completely it is
soarly
Correct your spelling
sorely
 for the
perecntage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of unemployment.
Submitted by hadeelalanzi6 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words march with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Unemployment rate
  • Trend
  • Comparison
  • Period
  • Sharp increase/decrease
  • Correlation
  • Economic policies
  • Technological advancements
  • Global economic conditions
  • Consumer spending
  • Social welfare
  • Public sentiment
  • Predictions
  • Economic strategies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: