IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Write about the following topic: When the time comes to commence full-time employment, individuals who have graduated from university deserve a higher salary than those who have not. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#topic #time #employment #individuals #university #salary
We are presently living in the twenty-first century which is recognised as an era of technological advancement. Proper education has always helped humanity progress. A major concern among individuals presently is whether people with formal university degrees are entitled to higher remuneration in comparison with their counterparts or not. In my opinion, people with higher educational qualifications should be compensated more than their colleagues.
Firstly
, in
universities
Add a comma
,universities
show examples
 we acquire knowledge in a plethora of subjects
along with
 our specialisation. An employee who is educated on multiple topics is always a valuable addition to the firm.
For example
, during my first job as a front office executive, I proved myself to be a valuable addition to the team by helping them with my ideas on accounts
as well as
 sales. I applied
knowledge
Correct article usage
the knowledge
show examples
 gathered in college. I always ensured my manager never regret
for
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
paying me a higher salary.
Secondly
, students in colleges make friends who can be later hired by organisations in different departments. Recruiters always
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to hire employees who can be trustworthy and credible. Promising employees bring friends who can play
an important roles
Correct the article-noun agreement
an important role
important roles
show examples
. Referral systems are followed by companies to ensure that they can hire people vouched for by their existing employees.
To conclude
, I believe any person with a graduation qualification from college must be awarded salaries more than his other colleagues.
Submitted by anupriyahalder on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: