IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant You should write at least 150 words.

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant You should write at least 150 words.
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The pie charts illustrate the average percentage of an employed person’s
day
 spent doing different activities in 1958 and 2008, in a particular country.
Overall
, employed
people
 in
this
 particular country spent the most amount of
time
 in a
day
, in both 1958 and 2008, at
work
.
Furthermore
, there was an inverse relationship between working and sleeping over the
50 year
Add a hyphen
50-year
show examples
 period. In 1958, working
people
 in
this
 country spent one-third of their
day
 at
work
, followed by just under one-third of their
day
 sleeping. Going out with friends or family took up the next largest portion of
time
 in a
day
, at 19%. Meanwhile, travelling to
work
 was the activity that took up the least percentage of
time
 in someone’s
day
. Fifty years later, the percentage of a
day
 that
people
 spent at
work
 increased to 42%,
while
 the figure for sleeping had dropped to 25%. Less
time
 was spent going out with family and friends (6%), but more
time
 was allocated to relaxing at home (13%).
In addition
, the figure for the portion of
day
Add an article
the day
a day
show examples
 that
people
 spent travelling to
work
 quadrupled to 8% over the period. .
Submitted by ahmadzm2004 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words day, people, time, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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