IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Coins and paper money will soon be replaced by credit and bank cards. Eventually we will have a cashless society which will be safer and more convenient for everyone. Do you agree or disagree

In
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 present world, Most
people
Use synonyms
 don'
t
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 cash for transact and
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have plans to replace it with e-cards. We
use
Use synonyms
 e-cards
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will be more secure and beneficial for everybody. I strongly believe that it would be useful when
people
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 it.
However
Linking Words
, it will impact folks by
using its
Verb problem
being out of
show examples
out-of-control
Use the right word
control
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, human beings
utilize
Change the spelling
utilise
show examples
 e-cards to buy something
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as stuff
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and books
immediately
Punctuation problem
, immediately
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
 the outlets are from around the world, it doesn'
t
Use synonyms
 matter the long distances and
concern
Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
show examples
 about how
can they
Correct word order
they can
show examples
 pay for
this
Linking Words
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they don'
t
Use synonyms
 need to exchange their currency with other countries.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, we don'
t
Use synonyms
 need to care much about how they can
transit
Verb problem
transfer
show examples
money
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the banks helping us to guarantee it . Because
It's
Fix capitalization
it's
show examples
 exchanged by the banking.
For instance
Linking Words
, they ought to buy some books from France and don'
t
Use synonyms
 need to bring cash to pay for them. And they just
use
Use synonyms
 some platforms regarding the banking industry and manipulate processes simply to complete paid
.
Check wording
work.
show examples
Secondly
Linking Words
, there's the other hand.
People
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 it out of their control
leading
Punctuation problem
, leading
show examples
 to bad debts. They can'
t
Use synonyms
 afford to pay interest.
In addition
Linking Words
 , they can'
t
Use synonyms
 enter the system to
transit
Verb problem
transfer
show examples
money
Use synonyms
as a result
Linking Words
 of forgetting their password and
even
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they steal
money
Use synonyms
 from it.
For example
Linking Words
, we have many cases like these in Vietnam,
people
Use synonyms
 waste tons of
money
Use synonyms
 to buy something they don'
t
Use synonyms
 really want in the retail market and
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 from the
unauthority
Correct your spelling
unauthorised
 access system of the bank.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these points are potential risks in the future.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 internet banking to transact. It's useful and convenient.
However
Linking Words
, it has ability high risk in payment methods. I would
to like
Correct word order
like to
show examples
 recommend
we
Correct word choice
that we
show examples
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
apply artificial intelligence to identify risk.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan what you want to say first. Start with a clear view, then give two strong reasons and a short end line.
cohesion
Use simple link words to tie ideas. Words like first, also, but, and then help a lot.
ideas
Keep one main idea in each part. Do not stray to many sides.
grammar
Check small grammar things. Watch for wrong form and missing marks.
content
Your view on the cashless idea is clear.
structure
You show two sides: good part and risk.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cashless
  • money
  • coins
  • notes
  • cards
  • bank
  • payment
  • safe
  • easy
  • fast
  • online
  • shop
  • pay
  • people
  • old
  • poor
  • rural
  • internet
  • device
  • risk
  • crime
  • hack
  • data
  • private
  • info
  • policy
  • mix
  • cash
  • help
  • teach
  • support
  • access
  • emergency
  • system
  • growth
  • cost
What to do next:
Look at other essays: