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Writing Samples /
Band 7

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #uk #graduate #students #work #college #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar charts give information about graduate and postgraduate
students
 who did not do regular
work
 after completing their
students
 in the United Kingdom in 2008.
Overall
, the most common destination for graduates
as well as
 postgraduates
students
 was
further
 study and the least common was
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a volunteer
show examples
volunteer
Wrong verb form
volunteering
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 in both cases.
To begin
 with, approximately 30,000 graduates chose
further
 study.
In contrast
, exactly 3500 which is a tiny number of people were active in voluntary
work
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Whereas
, the number of young adults who participated in part-time
work
 was nearly 18,000. At least, the majority of unemployed graduate
students
 was more or less 16300.
On the other hand
, in 2008 the fraction of postgraduate
students
 who chose
further
 study was exactly 2,725. The second most numerous
work
 was a part-time job, almost 2540. Just 200 postgraduates difference. Nearly 1630 young adults were unemployed. Meanwhile, in 2008 only 345 chose to be volunteers.
Submitted by jula.wierzba on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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