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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar charts give information about graduate and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 who did not do regular
work
Use synonyms
 after completing their
students
Use synonyms
 in the United Kingdom in 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most common destination for graduates
as well as
Linking Words
 postgraduates
students
Use synonyms
 was
further
Linking Words
 study and the least common was
Add an article
a volunteer
show examples
volunteer
Wrong verb form
volunteering
show examples
 in both cases.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, approximately 30,000 graduates chose
further
Linking Words
 study.
In contrast
Linking Words
, exactly 3500 which is a tiny number of people were active in voluntary
work
Use synonyms
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Whereas
Linking Words
, the number of young adults who participated in part-time
work
Use synonyms
 was nearly 18,000. At least, the majority of unemployed graduate
students
Use synonyms
 was more or less 16300.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 2008 the fraction of postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 who chose
further
Linking Words
 study was exactly 2,725. The second most numerous
work
Use synonyms
 was a part-time job, almost 2540. Just 200 postgraduates difference. Nearly 1630 young adults were unemployed. Meanwhile, in 2008 only 345 chose to be volunteers.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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