IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people feel that entertainers for example film starts,pop musicians or sports starts are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree. Which other types of job should be highly paid.

#people #entertainers #film #pop #musicians #sports #money #job
While
entertainers
such
 as actors,Musicians or athletes earn more than any average person can earn in five years. I believe
entertainers
 are the glue that keeps us going in evidently they earn more than the average person. Since the big bang , there was entertainment available in every period of time.Since like our current
conditions
, every period had either political or personal problems faced daily by the
people
. To divert attention from their problems
entertainers
 used to dance
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and perform a play in front of
people
 every week. So they tend to earn more than their base income because makes
people
 smile which is a backbreaking job to do so. For e.g, In Karachi ,the Metrocity of Pakistan has more
entertainers
 who make more than a highly educated Manager of a Multinational company.
However
, Introducing a new income policy in which dangerous jobs
such
 as doctors,sewage maintenance,mill workers, coal miners, etc are paid more
due to
 the severity of environmental
conditions
 faced daily.
People
 who work in these professions should be paid more as they go through life-threatening
conditions
, by putting their lives on the line so that
people
 enjoy a comfortable life. By implementing a tax policy where
people
 who are in dangerous work environments are omitted from some taxes than other
people
 and are given bonuses on a monthly basis. For e.g, In many foreign countries
people
 who do lethal jobs get monetary advantages from the government in a form of omitted taxes, increases in pensions or bonuses.
This
 can overcome underpaid workers in critical work
conditions
.
To conclude
, having
entertainers
 paid more is an appropriate idea but at the same ,time workers in risky jobs should be paid more
also
.
Therefore
 it requires a statistical-based approach strategy to overcome
this
 problem.
Submitted by taseen_shafquat on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: