IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people feel that entertainers for example film starts,pop musicians or sports starts are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree. Which other types of job should be highly paid.

#people #entertainers #film #pop #musicians #sports #money #job
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While
Linking Words
entertainers
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as actors,Musicians or athletes earn more than any average person can earn in five years. I believe
entertainers
Use synonyms
 are the glue that keeps us going in evidently they earn more than the average person. Since the big bang , there was entertainment available in every period of time.Since like our current
conditions
Use synonyms
, every period had either political or personal problems faced daily by the
people
Use synonyms
. To divert attention from their problems
entertainers
Use synonyms
 used to dance
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and perform a play in front of
people
Use synonyms
 every week. So they tend to earn more than their base income because makes
people
Use synonyms
 smile which is a backbreaking job to do so. For e.g, In Karachi ,the Metrocity of Pakistan has more
entertainers
Use synonyms
 who make more than a highly educated Manager of a Multinational company.
However
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, Introducing a new income policy in which dangerous jobs
such
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 as doctors,sewage maintenance,mill workers, coal miners, etc are paid more
due to
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 the severity of environmental
conditions
Use synonyms
 faced daily.
People
Use synonyms
 who work in these professions should be paid more as they go through life-threatening
conditions
Use synonyms
, by putting their lives on the line so that
people
Use synonyms
 enjoy a comfortable life. By implementing a tax policy where
people
Use synonyms
 who are in dangerous work environments are omitted from some taxes than other
people
Use synonyms
 and are given bonuses on a monthly basis. For e.g, In many foreign countries
people
Use synonyms
 who do lethal jobs get monetary advantages from the government in a form of omitted taxes, increases in pensions or bonuses.
This
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 can overcome underpaid workers in critical work
conditions
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
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, having
entertainers
Use synonyms
 paid more is an appropriate idea but at the same ,time workers in risky jobs should be paid more
also
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.
Therefore
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 it requires a statistical-based approach strategy to overcome
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Submitted by taseen_shafquat on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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