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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart shows the percentage of their food budget the average family spent on restaurant meals in different years. The graph shows the number of meals eaten in fast food restaurants and sit-down restaurants

The chart shows the percentage of their food budget the average family spent on restaurant meals in different years. The graph shows the number of meals eaten in fast food restaurants and sit-down restaurants
#percentage #food #budget #restaurant #meals #years #restaurants
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The first pie chart gives us pieces of data about the habits of people eating at home or in
restaurants
Use synonyms
 over 3 decades from 1970 to 2000
while
Linking Words
 the line graph below is a comparison between the number of people eating fast
food
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meals
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 or sitdown
restaurant
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meals
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.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 spending money on
restaurant
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meals
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 was already an upward trend and it is even more true when we talk about fast
food
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. Indeed, from the first chart we learn that the percentage of
food
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 budget spent on
restaurant
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meals
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 had multiplied by 5 from 1970 to 2000. Indeed , 10% of the
food
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 budget was destinated for
restaurants
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 in 1970, 15% in 1980, more than the double
of
Change preposition
apply
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1980 in 1990 with 35%, to
finally
Linking Words
 arrived in 2000 with an equal budget for home cooking and
restaurant
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meals
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.
In
Change preposition
A
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second time, the curve from the second chart shows us that eating
meals
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 at
restaurants
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 is becoming more and more famous.
However
Linking Words
, even
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in 1970 there were as
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 people eating fast
food
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meals
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 as sit-down
restaurant
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meals
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. A gap between these two categories appeared in 1980. Indeed,
while
Linking Words
 the
increasing
Replace the word
increase
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 in popularity of
restaurants
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 tend to slow down, the number of fast
food
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meals
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 per person sharply climbed from 30
meals
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 per year in 1980 to 90 in 2000.
Submitted by t.teiva on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words restaurants, food, meals, restaurant with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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