The pie graphs below indicate the results of a survey of activities by children The first graph displays leisure and cultural activities that boys participate in, while the second graph displays activities where girls participate. Write a report describing the information displayed in these two pie graphs.

The pie graphs below indicate the results of a survey of activities by children The first graph displays leisure and cultural activities that boys participate in, while the second graph displays activities where girls participate. Write a report describing the information displayed in these two pie graphs.
The two pie charts
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
information on the activities of children,
while
the first chart illustrates the Boy’s Cultural and Leisure activities
while
the second chart describes the leisure activities of
girls
. In the first pie
chart
Add a comma
,chart
show examples
It may be observed that
boys
spend most of their
time
playing computer games which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
at 34%, basketball at 26%, Soccer at 17%,
skating
Correct word choice
and skating
show examples
at 11%.
Similarly
,
girls
spend their most
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dancing at 27% and spend less or reasonable
time
playing sports or other games i.e., Computer games at 16%, netball at 15%. Comparatively, both
boys
and
girl
Fix the agreement mistake
girls
show examples
spend equal
time
listening to music at 10% and
while
boys
spend
their
Change the word
the
show examples
least
Correct your spelling
last
show examples
time
reading at 2%,
girls
spend more
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reading at 21%.
Overall
,
while
boys
are spending most of their playing,
girls
spend most of their
time
dancing and reading. It is seen that
girls
have
also
shown keen interest in gymnastics which is at 11%.
Submitted by reddy_sowmya8110 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words girls, boys, time with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: