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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the number of men and women in full and part-time employment in Australia between 1973 and 1993. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the number of men and women in full and part-time employment in Australia between 1973 and 1993. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#graphs #show #men #women #employment #australia #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The
graph
Use synonyms
 below illustrates the amount of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in
half
Add a hyphen
half-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and
permenant
Correct your spelling
permanent
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in Australia from 1973 to 1993.
It is clear that
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 work much more than women during the period
that is
Linking Words
 mentioned in Australia, the rates
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 that in 993 there was almost 100
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
men
Use synonyms
 between 15 to 65
years
Use synonyms
 old that has a
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 job.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
other
Change the wording
another hand
other hands
show examples
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 the
womens
Correct your spelling
women's
 graphs
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 varied through the
years
Use synonyms
 in both full and
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 employment.
Use synonyms
Graph
Correct article usage
The graph
show examples
 for the
men
Use synonyms
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1973 to 1993 in
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
jobs
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased dramatically, there was just less than 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
men
Use synonyms
 who have
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
jobs
Use synonyms
 in
mid 1990
Add a hyphen
mid-1990
show examples
. opposite to that the
graph
Use synonyms
 for
men
Use synonyms
 who has a
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 job escalated from 20
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 100
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand women do
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
jobs
Use synonyms
between
Change preposition
for
show examples
20
Correct article usage
the 20
show examples
years
Use synonyms
Linking Words
that
Correct word choice
as
show examples
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 mentioned, there is no
stablity
Correct your spelling
stability
 in
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
jobs
Use synonyms
 seen in the
graph
Use synonyms
. the
pick
Correct your spelling
peak
show examples
 for
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 female workers
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1973 but it decreased sharply in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
years
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the major conclusion drawn from the
graph
Use synonyms
 is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people are likely not to work after age 65 onwards.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, time, men, percent, years, part, jobs with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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