Due to globalization, many countries lose their traditions and national values. Some people think it is the responsibility of governments to protect these values. Do you agree or disagree?

In
this
neoliberal era, people tend to
get
Verb problem
be
show examples
influenced by the globe, where some native cultures and practices have been deceased,
due to
the influences of Western culture and swifts the ideology of cultural practices for the younger generations. I personally understand that the ritual practice is the efforts of the community, and
supports
Correct subject-verb agreement
support
show examples
from the government
are remained
Wrong verb form
remains
show examples
needed. In the following paragraph, I will delve into
this
subject with examples by demonstrating my standpoint.
To begin
with, the responsibility of the art and traditions
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
crucial to have support from the authority, from my personal view the method of society and understanding the ritual are equally important for the population.
For example
, for Islamic , experiencing the importance of Ramadan is significantly important for their spiritual connection.
This
habit is making the followers rethink food and hunger.
Subsequently
, the community who followed
this
ritual had more ideology about food and
don't
Wrong verb form
didn't
show examples
take the resources for granted.
On the other hand
, diverse cultures and practices are essential to have the support of advocacy from the local authorities.
In contrast
, authority does play a huge role in a cultural festival, as it supplies the venue, security, aid, equipment and others.
Likewise
,
this
event will help the community have a
further
understanding of the ritual tradition and embrace the routine with the public.
This
is where the population build their connections which can help the nation to improve its health and well-being.
To sum up
, the responsibility for the loss is not entirely on the government's side of roles.
Consequently
, the communities and local bodies are the public that contributed the most to advocate for the rights of the ritual routine with celebrations and inclusions of the society. I reiterate that the public and authority
shared
Wrong verb form
share
show examples
the same load of responsibility towards local diversity and culture.
Submitted by SugerMei on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay presents some relevant points but lacks clarity and coherence in presenting and supporting these points.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion, making it difficult for the reader to follow the ideas presented.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: