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Band 7

The bar chart below gives the results of a survey in a major company showing the attitudes of two groups of workers to various factors affecting work performance.

The bar chart below gives the results of a survey in a major company showing the attitudes of two groups of workers to various factors affecting work performance.
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The diagram below illustrates the information about the attitudes of the two different types of
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees

It seems that employee may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, which affects their work performance in a company.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there are 10 reasons affecting the
wokers'
Correct your spelling
workers'

If you don’t want wokers to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

performance during working hours and the young generation are seem to be affected more easily in the comparison with the older
group
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 with, as we can see, the total of people from the age of 18 to
30 year-old
Add a hyphen
30-year-old

It appears that 30 year-old is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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 have a tendency of distracting
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the chance for personal development,the relaxed working environment, the promotion prospect and the job security is about doubled the number of workers in another
group
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. With the factors
team
Change preposition
of team

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 spirit and work environment, there is no difference
in
Change preposition
between

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 the two groups.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the amount of people in the
group
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 of 45 to
60 year-old
Add a hyphen
60-year-old

It appears that 60 year-old is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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 is slightly over the
group
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 of adolescents in the factors of the competent boss and respect from colleagues.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • performance metrics
  • employee satisfaction
  • work-life balance
  • job security
  • recognition and rewards
  • survey results
  • attitude differences
  • workforce demographics
  • management strategies
  • company policies
  • employee engagement
  • professional development
  • compensation packages
  • motivation factors
  • survey respondents
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