IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people assume that the goal of every country should be to produce more materials and goods. To what extent do you agree or disagree that constantly increasing production is an appropriate goals?

#people #country #materials #goods #production #goals
There is an argument that, nowadays, most individuals
thought
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
 that every country's goal is to manufacture more
materials
 and products. In my opinion, except in certain cases, I largely agree with the notion countries focus on
production
 because of the increase in the
economy
besides
this
 minimising poverty. First and foremost, some
people
 including me support the argument that regular escalation in the
production
 of goods is a positive impact and believe
this
 is beneficial in terms of boosting the
economy
 of the country. To be more specific, day by day increase in manufacturing is not only because of the higher demand for specific products or services by
people
 but
also
 the development of export activities which directly increase the
economy
 of the country via levied high tax rate.
For instance
, The Times published in 2017 that 13% of drastic pinnacle in the export of things improve the financial condition of the nation. Moving on, another worth mentioning point is the reduction in the poverty line.
This
 is because more
production
required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
 more labour means creating more job opportunities for local
people
. By using local products
people
 save more money rather than spending on other nations' brand because the local product is produced by using local raw
materials
 available which result in more savings and less
production
 cost. Tim Cooper, from Sheffield Hallam University in the ,UK points out,
for example
, as per his research
based
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in 2020 that transferring raw
materials
required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 waste of money and time which directly affects the cost of the product. Paradoxically, few
people
 do not like
this
 proposal and condemn it.
As they
Correct word choice
They
show examples
 may think that more
production
 is not a favourable aspect because
this
 leads to wastage of product and raw
materials
due to
 that they stand on the other side with different thoughts and do not find out
this
 relevant goal. In conclusion, producing more goods regularly is a positive aspect and a considerable goal from my perspective.
Although
 some disagree with huge
production
, I tend to believe the
economy
 of the nation and
promote
Replace the word
the promotion
show examples
 work are the main reasons that I find
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 is a reasonable concept.
Submitted by parvinderp93 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that the essay directly addresses all parts of the question in a balanced way. Also, develop the points with more clarity and depth to fully address the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effective. Ensure that each paragraph is logically connected to the next, and use a wider range of cohesive devices such as transition words and pronouns to improve coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: