IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Do you think businesses should hire employees who will spend their entire lives working for the company? Explain why you agree or disagree. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

#businesses #employees #lives #company #support
In the intelligent business world, people are just staff for tasks and projects.
However
, I believe that we are more than just
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
, we have our own lives and problems. So, I wonder, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employers should recruit
workers
 which will be loyal to the job all the
time
 or
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
. I have two points of view on
this
 topic. On the one hand,
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 need to work, and for the success of the
company
, employees should do their best
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work hours and be loyal to the place they are working.
For instance
, my team lead is working hard from 9 AM to 6 PM for her professional goals.
Also
, she became a team
lead
Replace the word
leader
show examples
 with
time
. So, if you want to gain some positions at
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
, you will need to stay with the
company
 for a long
time
 to be a manager or CEO. All in all, if to be
brutally
Add an article
a brutally
show examples
 honest, business need to have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 best and
loyal
Correct quantifier usage
most loyal
show examples
 professionals to succeed,
that is
 why recruiters have to hire
workers
 who will stay with the
company
 for as long as
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
it
Add a verb
isit
wasit
show examples
 possible.
On the other hand
, all of us
just
Add a missing verb
are just
show examples
 human, and sometimes there is no other decision than leave the place you are working in. The best example could be my mom, who wanted to be a manager in her
company
. Unfortunately, her boss didn't see her
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 position,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was awful, because she deserved it. She decided to change the
company
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 gave her
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 role of the manager, so she agreed.
To sum up
, employers should understand that they cannot have the same
workers
 all the
time
, and sometimes, you need to let people go, as a
consequense
Correct your spelling
consequence
company
 can hire
even
Correct article usage
an even
show examples
 better person
instead
 of
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
show examples
 one. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 I would like to say that, indeed, employers want all
theirs
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
workers
 to be loyal, but it's almost impossible, as
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 sometimes want to have bigger positions or better
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
. We
need
Add the particle
toneed
show examples
 try to make the perfect world, with
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
workers
 all the
time
, but it has no finish point.
Submitted by helgavitalivna on

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