IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows in percentage terms the changing patterns of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the UK. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows in percentage terms the changing patterns of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the UK. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #terms #patterns #access #technology #homes #uk #information #features #comparisons
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The line graph describes the
propotion
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proportion
promotion
 trends of usage of recent technology in people's homes in
th e
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the
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 UK.
Overall
Linking Words
, the trends were upward regarding all technologies
while
Linking Words
 there was a change
of
Change preposition
in
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 the order in the middle of the period. As regards the mobile phone, the access rate
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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surpassed the home computer in 1999. After that, the percentage
conteniued
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continued
 going up and ended up second largest percentage
while
Linking Words
 there were a few climb rate fluctuations. It is noticeable that the internet access percentage rose
steadly
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steadily
 4-fold over 30% since 1999
although
Linking Words
 the access rate of
CD
Add an article
the CD
a CD
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player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
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 and home
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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Add a missing verb
has climed
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climed
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climbed
claimed
 about 20% since 1997.
However
Linking Words
, the momentum of
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
 declined at the start of 2001.
Submitted by takumi on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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