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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below show the percentage of water used for diffrent purpoese in six aeas of the world

The chart below show the percentage of water used for diffrent purpoese in six aeas of the world
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The charts describe the percentage of
water
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 used for different
purposes
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 in six areas of the world. Agriculture , domestic and industrial usages are the three ways that we consume
water
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 in the world. In Central
Asia
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, Africa, south-east
Asia
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 and South
America
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water
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 is used mostly for agriculture
while
Linking Words
 in Europe and North
America
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 is used mostly for industrial
purposes
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. In the first group central
Asia
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 has the biggest proportion for agricultural
purposes
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 about 88 %
therefore
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 South
America
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 has the smallest portion for agricultural
purposes
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 about 71 % and south-east
Asia
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 and Africa have the same proportion for agricultural
use
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 around 80 % ,
Linking Words
However
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,However
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 the remaining portion is divided more or less equally between industrial
use
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 and domestic need. In the second ,group Europe uses most of its
water
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 sources for industrial
use
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 about 53% and
also
Linking Words
 North
America
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 uses most of it for industrial
use
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 about 48 %. Agricultural
use
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 is more than domestic
use
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 in both of these areas.

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, purposes, asia, america, use with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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