IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sum of money that are out of proportion to the importance of work that they do. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement and what's your opinion.

#people #workers #nurses #doctors #teachers #film #actors #company #bosses #sum #money #proportion #importance #work
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It is widely claimed that
flim
Correct your spelling
film
 actors or company bosses are
over paid
Correct your spelling
overpaid
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 some
opponets
Correct your spelling
opponents
 argue that workers
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 nurses,
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
, and
Add an article
the teacher
show examples
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 are
under paid
Correct your spelling
underpaid
show examples
 so these occupies should earn more salary.
However
Linking Words
, I
am disagree
Change the verb form
disagree
show examples
 with
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
letter
Change noun form
letter's
show examples
 statement and my reasons will be elaborated
in
Change preposition
on in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is understandable that
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 industry would spend more money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 building
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
phenomornon
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
 show for audiences. Take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adventure movie,
for example
Linking Words
; TV or movie plays a
curcial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 role in our
life
Use synonyms
 for leisure time and
entertrainment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 in order to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress or
anxity
Correct your spelling
anxiety
 whether is in
professional
Correct pronoun usage
your professional
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 or personal
life
Use synonyms
.
However
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, it
Add a missing verb
is unvoidable
show examples
unvoidable
Correct your spelling
unavoidable
show examples
 that
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 these
show
Fix the agreement mistake
shows
show examples
 used a huge proportion of money and sometimes I personally think it is not all
essencial
Correct your spelling
essential
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
necessary career like nurses, doctors, and teachers are the key fundamantion
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
human
Correct article usage
the human
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races
Fix the agreement mistake
race
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 as a whole.
There
Replace the word
Their
show examples
 people dedicates their personal time to
help
Wrong verb form
helping
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 others in society, in terms of
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health or
solve
Wrong verb form
solving
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health problem. In order to serve
this
Linking Words
 potential skill, it took them to study 4-7 years to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professional
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Additionally
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, as a
teacher
Add a comma
,teacher
show examples
 it
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to take a lot of special skill to build a correct
fondation
Correct your spelling
foundation
 of knowledge for
student
Add an article
the student
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the tuitor
show examples
tuitor
Correct your spelling
tutor
tuition
 might need more
patient
Replace the word
patience
show examples
 to control students
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and attend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
classes.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I personally support
this
Linking Words
 statement to be more considered in terms of money paid. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it is undeniable that those industries play a significant role in our daily
life
Use synonyms
. I
am strongly disagree
Change the verb form
strongly disagree
show examples
Change preposition
with that
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
letter
Change noun form
letter's
show examples
statement
Replace the word
stating
show examples
 that the
formor
Correct your spelling
former
 one should earn more wages.
Submitted by nuchnapa.anna on

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