IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that having a set retirement age(65 years) for everybody regardless of occupation is unfair they believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which type of worker do you think should benefits from early retirement.

#people #retirement #age #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #type #worker
It is clear that
 each individual has to earn something in
order
 to survive in
this
 world. Is argued by many that it is better to have a fixed retirement
age
whereas
 others think that it has many determinantal effects and one could retire and receive some money from their company in
order
 to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their wishes.
However
, I agree with the statement that workers like teachers and the ones who do
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 tasks on the construction site should receive a good amount from their bosses at an earlier
age
 in
order
 to move on with their lives. I am going to discuss
this
 in detail in my essay below.
To begin
 with, I favour
this
 statement that an individual can receive a good amount so they can pay their expenses without being dependent on others.
Furthermore
, at a certain
age
, a person becomes lazy and feels tired and is unable to fulfil their duty with honesty so, it is better for people to get retirement at an early stage when they feel that they are not able to
job
.
Furthermore
, they quit their jobs and receive a certain amount from the government or their company to
order
 to survive on
this
 planet. It is significant to retire because some works need physical exertion and other jobs require mental effort
whereas
, in old,
age
 the capacity of thinking and work decreases.
On the contrary
, it is best to leave the
job
 and take some rest to keep their body healthy and fit.
On the other hand
, workers who perform in the mine or the person who do physical effort in the construction area where a new building is under construction need a lot of energy and willpower to complete the
job
. If somebody is in their 60s so, it is hard for them to pursue their carrier as a worker so it is beneficial to give them leave and hire new staff to work in a better way and complete the task as soon as possible. The best possible solution to
this
 situation is to leave a choice to the person if they want to continue their
job
 they can if not
then
 they can leave the work and a lot of new vacancies for many others who want to continue acting in
this
 way a balance is automatically created between an employed and unemployed community. In conclusion, doing business is not a big deal for everyone each individual can struggle and stay strong until they have good stamina
otherwise
, it is harmful to the company and their health as well if one could continue their career and he is not feeling good so he can lay on the bed in the coming future and loss their strength to do performance wholeheartedly.
Submitted by aimenmalik2021 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: