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Writing Samples
Band 4

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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In 1995
people
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 born inside
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australia
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Australia
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 were so much less than
people
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 born outside
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australia
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Australia
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were
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where
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 towns in
ausralia
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Australia
 were much more than town outside of
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australia
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Australia
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 same in a side
afact
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affect
 rural
areas
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 in
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australia
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Australia
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 are less than rural
areas
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 outside
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australia
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Australia
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 by 10% , Now in 2010
people
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 born in
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australia
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Australia
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 are still less than
people
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 born outside of
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australia
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Australia
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 were in 2010 towns and rural
areas
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 in
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australia
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Australia
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 were even but outside of
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australia
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Australia
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 town were more than the rural
areas
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 so the rural
areas
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 outside of
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australia
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Australia
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 decreased a lot since 1995 , what we understand from
that is
Linking Words
 that urban
developend
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developed
development
 a great
stratege
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strategy
 of increasing the population and getting rid of the rural
areas
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where in
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wherein
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 the other side
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australia
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Australia
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 did not find a solution to increase both the population and town's which is quite
intresting
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interesting
 because
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australia
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Australia
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 is
such
Linking Words
 a big country that holds so potential but they never worked hard in both
growth
Change to a plural noun
growths
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 of
contry
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country
 or population.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia, areas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
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