IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The bar charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.

The bar charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.
#bar #show #uk #graduate #students #work #college
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The given bar chart illustrates
destination
Correct article usage
the destination
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 of UK
graduate
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 and postgraduate
students
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 in 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be noticeable that
Use synonyms
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of both
graduate
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 and postgraduate
students
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 continued their
study
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studies
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,
while
Linking Words
small
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a small
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majority
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 of
students
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 took up voluntary work. Almost half of the
graduate
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students
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 left unemployed
as well as
Linking Words
 postgraduate
students
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.
According to
Linking Words
 the bar chart, slightly more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
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half of the
graduate
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students
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 took up
part-time
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a part-time
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 after leaving college, which is 17,735,
while
Linking Words
overwhelming
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the overwhelming
an overwhelming
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majority
Use synonyms
 of
postgraduates
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, which is 2,535 took it up. Voluntary work was done by
insignificant
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an insignificant
the insignificant
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 minority (3500) of
graduate
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students
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 only 345 of
postgraduates
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 did it after college. It can be seen that
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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majority
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 of graduates (29,665) continued their education
as well as
Linking Words
the
Change the article
apply
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2725
of
Change preposition
apply
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postgraduates
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 slightly more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
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half of graduates stayed unemployed, approximately
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 proportion of
postgraduates
Use synonyms
 remained unemployed.
Submitted by ronadeclaro on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as, while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words graduate, students, majority, postgraduates with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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